"It was just to see, just to see (All the things you knew I'd written about you...)"

I don't get the MySpace phenomenon...yes, I have a page, school alumni stuff. I can't recall the last time I was on there. I use it to get updates on musicians I enjoy, ie concert pre-sales, new singles, blah, blah, blah. Some of my friends and acquaintances have profiles there. The thing is though, if I want to talk to them...I go see them, I call them, I write them a letter...aren't those legitimate forms of communication and interaction? It's the same thing with small town back biting. If I so offend you have the chutzpah to speak up. Better yet quit living in the delusion that you have no idea why I find you to be a malevolent blight, we both know the particulars, I moved on you might want to do the same. If pressed my reply is that I have no need for duplicitous self obsessed twits. The funny thing is...most of these "people" rarely if ever come up. I assume most people don't like me, in fact a women once said she "enjoyed me" then said I reminded her of "The Soup Nazi", quite a dubious compliment. I operate under the assumption that I in fact am not liked...I keep waiting for the truth to come out when my loved ones are on their collective deathbeds. So the structure of MySpace and it's "friends" escapes my very nature. If I want to get updates on a band I like I have to request that I be added as a friend, then wait their approval. The college admissions process is less arbitrary. So I will never be a scion of MySpace or beloved by the backbiters of my pedestrian burg, alas inner fulfillment will have to suffice.

"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,Blue skies from pain"

When did being 83 equate to a death watch? My grandmother is dying and there's not a goddamn thing that anyone can do about it. She went in the nursing home for rehab.....she was so frigging crotchety that she refused to do anything to help herself. The walker at the home was "rickety" so she wouldn't use it, the food was terrible..."not even fit for dogs", so she refused to eat it. Her mind was still there...her will to live...vanished. Where had it gone? Where was the woman who sent us to fetch her a switch when we acted like heathens? The woman who taught me to embroider, to bargain shop, and gave me bumper bangs with plats? Where is Eloise and who is this frail woman that has taken my grandma's place? People get old. It doesn't comfort me this truism. It doesn't make my grandma's inevitable death any easier to face or prepare for....it does nothing to erase the guilt I feel for not being there to just see her, to make her smile, to make her laugh....I may never see or hear her do those things again. I hate being so poor that I can either fly out to her now and not be able to attend her funeral or never see her alive again. It is the cruelest conundrum. Especially since today is her birthday and I can't be there.

"I'm back...I'm back in the saddle again. I'm back"

The fireworks are over...the fried dough is gone...it's time to get my blog on.

The big trial was today. The State of Maine v. Heather Willoughby-Bertrand. The day after the 4th of July, coincidence? I doubt it, I am sure the district court planned to stroke as much furor as possible in the provincial town of Wiscasset....the only thing that could have made her chances worse was if she was black or a peace activist....I guess it just didn't pay to be a white girl from a upper middle class family. Doesn't that impugn you with magical powers? Isn't being a wheat-free mindful sage burning mystic enough to save you from the ravages of an unjust judicial system.....ohh the humanity! End of sarcasm.

I never thought that American flags should be flown off of a bridge held on by zip ties. It seemed tacky. That being said, The Greenleafs petitioned the town to do so...they wanted to honor their son, and others serving in Iraq. A token gesture sure but their right nevertheless. I can't say that I fully support the war...I still can't fathom why our president sent our troops there much like a lamb to slaughter. I am the daughter of veterans. My father served 2 tours in Vietnam....he enlisted while still in high school. He was raised during a time when people were indoctrinated to patriotism, to serve your country, to fight Communism. He believed that he was going to serve a greater good, to spread democracy to people that were oppressed. He thought he was doing the right thing. He was never the same again. Who is after seeing death, despair and wondering if this will be the day that you die. Who is the same after seeing a friend die right in front of them? These are the things he actually talks about, the things that he didn't bury within his soul much like the scores of others like him. My father was lucky....he lived....not fully the same but alive at least. He had a lay-over in New York on his way home. He had to wear his uniform, not to be gung-ho...because he had to. In the bathroom a group of men jumped him, beat him called him a murderer. He suffered permanent damage to his neck from that, untold damage to his soul.

At least he was given a semblance of a reason for why he was sent to Vietnam. Iraq? Why are servicemen there? What lofty noble endeavor have they sent themselves into....the whims of our pernicious government....our idiot savant commander-in-chief. I am far from the right, yet have no desire to inflame the masses for no reason. Those flags didn't blow off. Admit it...own it....quit being a petulant child who uses tantrums as a means of being. Stop ripping down signs you don't agree with because your self absorbed ego can't accept criticism.Don't lob gallons of milk at old ladies heads...even if they "provoke" you. Don't accuse a decent, kind, and loving women of not being a supportive friend because she dared to call your bluff. Real friends call you out when you're full of shit. Real friends work at maintaining a friendship. Real friends don't expect to come before life partners and children. Real friends don't tell a man his organ failed because he didn't "bond with it" Low fucking blow sister. Low fucking blow.
The Universe does not revolve around you.....it's the solar system not the "Heather system"

That being said, I did have a point. The Greenleafs lie awake at night wondering if the son they love will come home alive. He chose to join the military to serve his country, that is the job he is entrusted with. Would that be my choice..no. I would not go to a country who does not want my presence, I would not give my life for them. Does this make me unpatriotic? To some I'm sure. I serve humanity in other ways however small it may seem. I work at being a good person. It is work. The ability to do what is best for someone other than just yourself is the purpose of one's life. It does not always come easily. It is a life long tenure track.
Will a row of flags on a bridge solve all of our societal ills? No. But perhaps learning to see the perspectives of others will. Not seeing them is why this whole debacle came to fruition.

But I'm a million different people from one day to the next...

How do you cut dead weight without it noticing it's dismissal? When can you walk away from the flogging of a dead horse? I wish I knew, life would be less complex that way, less ulcer inducing...
I find it simultaneously pathetic yet uttering endearing some peoples mind games, do you really think you make any impact to me other than to be the punchline to a joke?

"It doesn't matter what they say...It's just the jealous games people play"

We are not maids. If you insist on referring to us as such then you can kindly go fuck yourself. We do not have breath that smells like necrotic flesh, nor do we think every women we meet wants to fuck us. You know who you are....you know whose two sided mouth your misinformed bile came from. Contrary to your condescending narcissist delusional belief you DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING at the "well informed" ripe old age of 21 or 22 or 23 or 25...so run along and be the stupid little shit you were meant to be, and leave life to those of us who have a clue.